An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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