The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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