That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
