I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
