Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
