we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
