You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
