Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
