update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
