It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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