It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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