We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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