I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
