Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
