Buhtt sex?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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