i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
