Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
