I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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