You work out of a Hotel?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
