ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
