We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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