i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
