im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
