i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
