I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
