and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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