I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
