if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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