Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
