my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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