Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
