i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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