I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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