dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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