i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
