I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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