You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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