do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
