should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
