It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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