smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
