Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
