I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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