I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
