new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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