I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
