I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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