no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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