What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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