if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
