are you still at the devil's house?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
