HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
