i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
