i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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