his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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